Thursday, December 22, 2011

Not all spam is bad spam

Some of it's quite tasty!

Spam to our blogs and emails is overall a bad thing. The gigabytes of spam that traverses the Net clogs email accounts, wastes bandwidth, and is overall a pain in the ass.

But not all spam is bad. The meat product is quite tasty, especially when fried up crisp and served with over-easy eggs.

But even Internet spam isn't all bad. Every day I get spam to one of my WordPress blogs. Most of it is crap. But some of it ... well, it's downright entertaining. The surreal quality of the non-native English speaker's attempts to get me to buy a product, or simply allow the backlink to remain on my server are delightful! Take this most recent example:


"I’ve to state that I respectfully disagree with some of this data as I have lots of encounter inside the make any difference, but I think you might have nevertheless designed a few superior details."

If you turn your head sideways, this one almost makes sense. The language has a simplistic flow, and there are both verbs and nouns to keep the interest. And yet - the message doesn't quite make it.

My other example is even more fun. Check it out:

"The majority of anything you state has become amazingly genuine and also it causes me and my friends want to know for what reason I personally hadnt investigated it within this light-weight just before. This approach element truly made button light upon to me as far as this sort of subject material moves. Is far more efficient an individual situation Get consequently as well secure by using whilst I aim in order to reunite that with the biggest perception of this challenge, allow everyone observe just what all the rest in the readership need to declare. Wonderfully succesfully done."

I love that one. I'm guessing an auto-translator, but I'm not sure even one of the bot translators on the Web would do such a bad job. No ... I'm thinking it was a lunatic.

And that makes me smile.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Yolandi Visser

Violent and beautiful, Yolandi Visser is part of Die Antwoord, brilliant South African rap. Give it a listen. You'll be shocked, and I'll be giggling. I love Die Antwoord.

Monday, December 19, 2011

#TwitterFic - Delicious Zombie Treats

The only reason I follow you is so that I can one day catch you and feed you to the zombies. It's really that simple. Check out the posts below for folks thus far who've fed the zombie horde.

---
"Now pay attention," Maria said. "@iTweetAndYouRT!" The zombie, however, was not computer literate, and bit Maria instead of tweeting.

Gwendolynne had no idea she was picking through @brainparts. Now that she was a zombie, they looked and tasted like scrambled eggs.

When he found @Jasmine_Aherne was stunned. Aherne thought Jas a little crazy, but even he couldn't believe she was hugging a zombie puppy.

Johnny Nowhere thought mind manipulation the least of his problems, until he found zombies were stealing his name one letter at a time: @JNowhere

"Before @INukeYou," Buffy said. "Have any last words?" The zombie grinned, then bit the would-be slayer; Buffy always hesitated too long.

As the child of an Old West Titan, Traci earned the moniker @asteria1898. It made sense in the 1800s, but modern day demigods were clueless.

"Hmmm." The old man leaned back. "I don't know @asteria1898 or 1897. Somewhere around there was when the zombies got yer grandmother."

Tameka took comfort in the brutal howl of the wind. "If it wasn't for @_TheHurricane," she said, "we'd be ass-deep in zombies by now."

"You've got to save @JadenAlexander3!" he screamed. Alex didn't pay attention, so he shoved Alex to the zombies, and saved Jaden himself.

Tameka would have been swept away by @_TheHurricane, were it not for the zombies nibbling at her feet, and holding her to the ground.

"We must use @shapedchocolate people if we plan to fool the zombies." I thought about it, then shoved him into a vat of boiling chocolate.

It was when Prince William went slumming that he learned the zef side to his name, @printzwilli, helped him score with zombie babes

It's true that zombies prefer humans to most things. But if you need to get away from the horde, just toss them a @gingerkytten, then run.

Sure, they thought @SpencerSpooky to begin with. But after getting used to the bulging eyes, it was all good - till Spencer turned Zombie.

Global security depended upon us understanding KH-12 IKON. Unfortunately, the only one who could decode it was himself encoded as @chr2ebr.

Twas Christmas morn, and @sirra_girl was still snug in her bed, visions of sugar plums danced in her head. Outside the zombie horde waited.

Even a woman who was @Born_Fighting lets down her guard just a little for Christmas. That's when the zombies got here.

All I want for Christmas is a pair of @twisted_twins drenched in the blood of a @_DeadHooker, breathing chaos and destruction.

Grayson was reciting @SinistreProse on Christmas Day; that's why he was taken by vampire little person.

You know, it was being such a @writebastard on Christmas Day that earned him a spot with the Zombie Horde.

Christmas Day was perfect, awakening to dreams of @ssraven wiggling and moaning - my chocolate covered Gothic Buddhist.

"You will call me @Mistress_Amelia!" She snapped the words out one by one. The zombie, however, ignored her, screamed and lunged.

She liked her guns like she liked her men, @bigrhardrfastr. Facing the Apocalypse was easier after a sweaty night, and holding a smoking gun

In @WakefieldMahon found bodies bloody and corrupted. Unfortunately, while Mahon the bodies, one of them noticed his presence.

Marissa was a @tiredmommyof4, too tired to see the zombie sneaking up on her. Eric saw and dealt with the zombie, as Marissa belonged to him

@ChastityBites Allison. Allison bites Francia. Francia bites Elizabeth. Elizabeth bites Ashley. Thus the Zombie horde begins.

When she found the @AuthorTheresa shoved him off the roof to the zombies below. After all, it was the author who'd opened the gates.

Snaring zombies with forest vines became popular after the creator of the snare - @JayeViner - also came up with the recipe for zombie soup.

"Damnit!" he screamed. "It bit me!" Andrea shook her head. "Yep," she said. "Not only is it a zombie, but it's @1_Evil_Pussycat."

"You've got to save @JadenAlexander3!" But Alexander was busy editing a film documentary, and so Jaden became zombie food.

There was no beauty in hell till @Lola_Hexx'd the inhabitants, sheathing them all in latex, and fitting the demons with proper piercings.

"That's just @theglitterlady," McCoy said, scrubbing at his skin. Stevie didn't believe him, and she staked him as a sparkly vampire.

Though most folks thought zombies @GruesomeGary found them quite attractive. That proved to be his undoing, but he had a date to the ball.

For most, it meant Rest and Relaxation, but for @TomRnR meant Rare & Raunchy - the perfect way to cook a zombie burger.

It's said that the devil is in the details, but I know better. That's because I'm the devil, and details are boring. I'd rather be in you.

For @Peter_Germany was the ultimate destination: the only place worldwide as yet unaffected by the Zombie Horde.

When we heard that a @FlashMobMovie was in production, we didn't know that they planned to use real zombies for the shoot.

"I say it was the @speechwriterguy!" Guy put down his red pen: "The speech writer brought doom?" Bergstrom shook his head: "No, zombies!"

Kriss, @AKMamma Zombie, earned her nickname after being the first Alaskan to be infected by the T-virus.

Zeny was known as a @JaggedWriter long before the zombie attack removed three of her fingers.

When police evacuated the town in advance of the Zombie Horde, they neglected to warn the lovers on @Mandee_Lane.

Thirty-two experiments had failed, but with @barkergirl33 we succeeded in combining the DNA of werewolf and zombie.

At first we thought @TheeGrimmReaper was leading the Zombie Apocalypse. Then we realized his bony ass was running like hell!

Zombie Enoch smashed the door, screaming at Branard. Seeing the animated @EnochBranard leapt from his seat, too late to avoid the bite.

While Dr. Frankenstein claimed the credit, it was really @DrFGaskill who reanimated the monster. Unfortunately, the monster ate Gaskill.

We were so used to Danielle's clear diction when she spoke her name, but after the zombie bite, her words ran together: "@ImDanielleEGray"

When he failed to catch @EdenBaylee stumbled and let her Fall into Winter. Eden made sure it was Baylee's last mistake.

Zombies had long been part of the @HorrorMovieList, but when the Apocalpyse came, we moved them to the News.

When it came to zombie fighting, we didn't think @ThoseUSAGirls had the gumption to pull the trigger. Turns we were wrong.

We dismissed Rosemarie as an @80sMusicGirl, little realizing that her mix of New Wave and Glam Rock would one day soothe the Zombie Horde.

We all thought her crazy when we saw @AllyKiss the zombie. But Ally knew that her lips were the only way to end the Apocalypse.

She thought her name too complex as Lady Lilyanna Lillix Llesenia Bushman, and chose instead to be called @L_Bushman after her Turning.

While Harley Davidsons were the more prominent of motorcycles, it was the @scooterchicken that zombies most-often commandeered.

By the time Cosby found Rachel, the zombies had gotten her; Still lovely, but @Sweet_N_Twisted.

Sure, the @Twisted_Twins are talented and gorgeous. But they keep a @_DeadHooker in the Trunk for fuck's sake. What up with that?

"I write, edit, teach," Shawn tried to scream. But with the zombie's mouth clamped firmly over his own, it was muffled as @writediteach.

While it took some getting used to, once you found the beat, the screams of the @zombieradioshow were actually quite pleasant.

And the sign said, long haired freaky people need not apply. The position is @For_Zombies only.

The zombie had yet a scrap of intelligence and gagged as he mumbled "@gg_simon is g-g-good," and resumed chewing.

Too late, John realized his lover was a zombie. She ripped out his throat, and now he gargles his name: @jsundmanus.

It was a @mechanical_rain that preceeded the Zombie Apocalypse, a rhythmic and steady thrum that drove us all to eat one another.

It's true that @lissawrites mainly about science fiction. But since she was bitten by a zombie, we expect her style to change.

We heard the banging at the door and a throaty growl: "It's @Just_me_Ella." We found out too late that Ella had joined the zombie horde.

Dennis was a menace in the life of @mr___wilson. But things got a lot worse after Dennis was bitten by a zombie.

She was a @SecretsWriter, hiding inside the belly of slain dark dragon, she hoped to chronicle the passing of the zombie horde.

Sirius donned the @Sexiest_Black negligee she could find, turned to the window and said: "All right you damned zombies. Come and get me."

When he sat down to @WriteTheFantasy he'd always dreamed of, he found he could only pound the keyboard in frustration, as zombies can't type

"@theladywrites fantasy as a rule," he said. "But now that she's been bitten by a zombie, we'll just have to wait and see what happens."

We didn't know werewolves could read in their furry form until we found the woman we now refer to as @ComicBookGrrl.

"That plan is @DiceyGrenor," he said. "But if we run like hell, we'll beat the zombies." Grenor nodded, drew her gun, and opened the door.

It was her infatuation with ink that eventually saved @PrincessMiranda from being devoured by zombies: they found beauty in her skin.

"We're out of bullets, bombs, hatchets and clubs," Sedgwick fumed. "All we've got left to fight zombies with is this @icypop."

No one knew that zombies could speak, nor that they had a French accent. So imagine our shock when one of them remarked: "@zbleumoon"

We thought @SarahhSquare because she said "zombie," instead of using the politically correct terminology of "life challenged."

As an @AuthorJenNS thought herself outside the zombie/human conflict as an impartial observer. The zombies, however, thought otherwise.

"@ImDanielleEGray," she announced regally. The zombie, formerly known as Princess Lydia, was not impressed and ate Danielle anyway.

We all thought she was kissing frogs because she was looking for a prince. We were wrong. It's just that @VickiLikesFrogs.

"Move to @TheWriteSteph!" Confused by the misspelling of "right," Stephanie turned left, right into the zombie's waiting arms.

A zombie dug through a SLUSH PILE and beyond, frantically seeking the source of @cybell, knowing the sound meant Carole was near.

We tole @jackkholt onto that zombie! Don't let go! But Jack couldn't hold on no how, and the zombie tore into him.

Multiple raptures in a Masquerade are referred to as @Raptamei, because vampires, drunk on summerwine, expect to die and be reborn.


Valtherius Motebank was a mouthful, so she shortened her name to @valmote. Val needn't have bothered, as zombies don't mind mouthfuls.

THIS CHRISTMAS, don't forget the zombie in your life. No need to wrap the brains; a skull-casing will do fine. Just put a bow on your head.

Among Pokeman, it was Pikachu that got all of the attention, until @GRIMACHU burst from his ball and started the Zombie Apocalypse.

We all thought her an @UptightBitch for her rage and chaos. I'm guessing our sentiments are what led her to let the zombies through the gate

We told @Linda_Suicide was her best option to avoid the T-virus. Unfortunately, she was already a zombie.

I love having the @kNotofGod whorling through what's left of my mind. It makes the screams all that much more pleasurable.

Zombies weren't mainstream until they turned a couple of reporters. Now we trust @zombie_media more than Fox, but that's not saying much.

It was common for humans to enslave robots, until the @SaviorMachine ushered in the Zombie Apocalypse.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Shattered Windows

Numerous times over the last few years, viruses and malware have attacked our family Windows PCs. We've fought back, and spent days taking back our computers. But each time we lost a bit more faith in Microsoft products.

We have five active computers in the house. The last one running Windows was shut down last week. And it's all because of the Swiss cheese operating system.

My son was the first to make the leap. He chose the path of Red Hat Linux. That was several years ago when running Linux was still difficult. He's a bit of a computer geek and adapted. Soon, he was hacking his way across the Net and into the neighbor's routers.

The next two computers giving up on Windows were both mine. I'd battled with the Windows XP Antispyware 2010 and 2011 too many times. When my desktop unit was completely befuddled, I bought a new laptop, then installed Ubuntu on both of them.

A few weeks later, my middle daughter was attacked by Windows XP Antispyware 2011. She too gave up on Windows. She's had enough. The middle child chose a Macintosh and hasn't looked back.

About 2 weeks ago, my youngest, who thought she was safe with Windows 7 was fried by the Win 7 Antispyware 2012. We spent a night killing off that nasty bit of malware. She fumed for another day, then went and bought herself a Mac.

So, we're a family finally free of Windows PCs - Yea!

Except at work, where the computer techs just spent the better half of the morning battling yet another piece of crap that had infiltrated Windows Outlook.

How long till businesses wake up?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Fox News Says there's no Santa

I've always known that Fox News was right wing and filled with folks who care more about money than people. But fuck me running ... no Santa? Watch the video here.

The Drive-by Shooting that Wasn't

Let me clear this up a bit. I live in a condo complex, and yes, there was a shooting at my next door neighbor's two nights ago: 12 shots from at least 2 guns. I slept through it and missed all of the excitement. But it wasn't a drive-by. It was my neighbors shooting at someone else.

For me, that's a big difference. No bullets heading my way. They were aimed at a car passing by on the street. I've since talked more with my neighbor. It was her son, the drug dealer, doing the shooting. She's a nice lady. Her kid's nice too, but a bit of a dumbass.

My kids are a bit freaked out, and I don't blame them. But when it comes down to it, they're all grown-ass adults and they can choose where they live.

Me? I live where I can afford to live.

Or die.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Well, fuck it ... Time to blog and Tumbl

I've had a Tumblr for about six months, but I've not used it. Just a couple of reposts. I've already got a blog, a small Web site, Facebook and Twitter to keep up with. I figured no time for Tumblr.

But fuck it. It's time to start writing again. Be it on this blog or on the Tumblr account, it's time. So join me. Send me your thoughts, or just piss me off. It's time to write once again.

Diana's Tumblr

Monday, November 21, 2011

I hate you

I think I'll kill you now,
and keep your skin and bones,
like teeth rattling in my mouth,
until you scream for me to stop

killing you now: death is never sudden.
When you stop to drag it out, drag it down
the streets, and smear asphalt with a wide red
streak: It's you, your ribs spread to catch stones

and hold them. Now, every scream is another joy
of icy jewels rattling loose in my pumpkin grin:
Jack doesn't know shit about how much I hate you.


(more poems written by Diana Trees)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Starting fresh

This is a new batch of #TwitterFic - flash fiction written in 140 characters or less with a Twitter name. Typically, someone dies in the jaws of a zombie. But sometimes they get away.

---
We told @LornaSuzuki made the best motorcycle for outrunning the zombie horde. But though it was the best, the bike was out of gas.

After finding @DebbieRochon turned to find a way out of the collapsed building. Unfortunately for Rochon, Debbie had been bitten by a zombie

We were all zombie food, if not for @theglitterlady. Thanks to her sparkling, the zombies lost interest in the rest of us.

As a zombie, Eric spent his time at the @SpitToonsSaloon picking the fur out of his teeth after devouring Bugs Bunny.

Due to its higher intellect, the @WritingsofwoRm earned it a gradual uppercasing of it's name. Unfortunately, zombies eat woRms.

We let the @kungfupussy cat lead the charge against the zombie horde, never realizing that zombies love to eat ... cats.

When the zombies found @TamelaBuhrke, she was running as fast as she could. Turns out, though, her fastest was just too slow.

Zombie Mom spread the tablecloth, Zombie Dad opened the picnic basket. Before long, @ZombieAnts devoured everything.

As a @Newswriter22, Sean's silver tongue and thoughts were put to good use, until a tinsmith took his tongue and beat it into a spoon.

It was a zombie that took her tongue, After that, Diana chronicled the steady progression of the Zombie Apocalypse as a @Silentnovelist.

The zombie startled her; her mind went blank. She stammered: "@ChuckWesJ--" His name forgotten she ran like hell, leaving Charles behind.

He thrashed as they dragged him to the edge of the boat: "@WWSharkBaitWW?" he wubbled. "I won't do it!" Below, the zombie shark circled.

Ian demanded that his name be prounced correctly: "@IanMacGregger," he ennunciated crisply. The zombie gurgled and bit off Ian's tongue.

"All right, @StephanieSaye the zombie's name softly." Steph, tranced and compliant, did as she was told. Outside, the zombie stirred.

"We must find @a_greenwood," Alex said. "It's only in nature's purist place that we can reverse the Armageddon spell."

With @kurtfisherman properly minced and fed to the zombie horde, she felt confident in her continuance of the pursuit of Armageddon.

No one thought @MissLizVicious until they found her tearing out the deacon's throat. Now we know the Zombie Liz is truly Violent and Vicious

So many colors to choose from: blue and green and yellow. But when it came down to truth and desire, I knew I had to have @RubyViolence.

"Tiny squirrel, forest clown: Why is @XanderGrimm?" Chittering evil rodent bushy-tail reply: "Hollowed his belly to store winter's nut meat"

Though Grimoires are known as powerful tomes, it's the rare @VEscritoire (truly bound in human skin) that summons the Zombie Apocalypse.

Sure, Donny had another sister. But he was afraid to talk about her, because he thought @ShaetanDarko might be a demon.

For zombies, Love Growls, but Bites are Taboo, hence the name of Jugga's underground club for the undead - @JuggaLGBT

"I don't know @Peter_Germany seems like a long way to go to escape the Zombie Apocalypse." But in reality, there was no escape for Peter.

Sheilagh was known among the zombies as @SweetSheil, less for her temperment and more for the flavor of her flesh.

When he found @Leo_Godin thought him a sparkly vampire. "Son of a bitch!" Godin exclaimed, and staked Leo on the spot.

We knew Ian was evil, but when we found his account of #TheGirlattheEndoftheWorld in the arms of a zombie, we knew he was a @writebastard.

When @RonanJJBurke jumped through the window to what he thought was safety, it was the Double J that got the zombie's attention.

The growling author, @Literarygrrrl, joined her voice to Dark Lord @Daezarkian's and together wove the spell of the Zombie Apocalypse.

As an author, it was Robin's habit to growl when she wrote, even after she was taken by vampires. That's why she's called @VampWriterGRRL.

After things got @DiceyGrenor pulled out a .45 to deal with zombies. When Grenor ran out of bullets, she was happy Diana still had her sword

When things got @DiceyGrenor took to her heels. Unfortunately for Grenor, these were Rage Zombies - quick, vicious and hungry.

"The zombies are at the door! This is your call to @ActionChick!" But Katrina was too busy tweeting to run and ended up as part of the horde

Oddly enough, it was PB&Js that carried the zombie virus, and that's why Diane was safe with her @PBKup sandwiches - Peanut Butter & Ketchup

After tracking @virginiaSK for miles, SK found herself in the Shenandoah Valley, a vast wilderness teeming with starving zombies.

When he found @gina_penn was sure that everything would be all right. But Penn didn't realize that Gina had joined the Zombie horde.

"Apostrophes in names are an @abomination_M'Brown," the priest proclaimed. But as a zombie, M'Brown didn't care what the priest thought.

"It's the @philo_diamond that will save us!" Philip shouted. Unfortunately, the diamond lay at the center of the Zombie camp.

Anyone with enough sense can fight one zombie. But to take on the entire horde, you'll need #follow a woman who was @Born_Fighting.

While we knew the Dgn in @AllanDouglasDgn's name was short for his dungeon, we had no idea that he kept zombies within the crumbling walls.

When Jim's publisher told him to @WriteTheFantasy, not even Jim knew that his tale of a Zombie Apocalypse would come true.

Virginia earned the name Silent Killer, or @virginiaSK for short, after she cut a quiet path though zombies to retrieve the @philo_diamond.

It was the voices in @NicoleSteinhaus's mind that drove her mad. But's that's when she did her best writing.

When @Lola_Hexx'd me, I had no idea that it was a gift: I would spend eternity with a Lovely Hell Being, instead of being eaten by zombies.

When he saw @MichelleIBrooks, believed all was right with the world. Unfortunately for Brooks, Michelle had been savaged by the zombie horde

He was casual when he said, "@HayaAnis99," little realizing that she was a zombie, and he had attracted her attention.

We thought to overcome the @Inexpugnable_50 zombies, we need kill only 49 of them. Unfortunately, the last was the leader.

"Damnit, @thatstings!" Peanut didn't know it then, but the pain of the zombie bite was the least of his worries.

The first 32 didn't survive the werewolf's bite. When Kim lived, we called her @barkergirl33.

"I @MissHaunted houses." I turned to Lorraine. "They were such a delight, but the zombies have ended that."

I was looking for powerful words - a spell to stop the zombie horde. I found the words, but unfortunately couldn't pronouce @Teinetoa4lyphe

Vampire Swiftie thought itself well-hidden with the name @Pritpal20Kaur. But while humans couldn't decipher the code, zombies found her out.

"I @MissHaunted houses," Ireland said. "Since the Zombie Apocalypse, all the ghosts have gone, and we're left with rotting corpses."

Taylor turned and yelled: "@ChikBQuick!" But Kristi was preoccupied with a lovely sunset and failed to outrun the zombie horde.

The precedent had been set when the king appointed both a wine and food taster. Still, the idea of a @zombietaster was unsettling for most.

"Quit messing with that @GothicGourdGirl, and help us fight the zombies!" But Stacy was enraptured by the gourd and devoured by the zombies.

The zombie was salivating when he found @2girlsonabench. Unfortunately for the zombie, the girls were ninjas.

The zombie had no idea that she was @Born_Fighting, and that's why he got his ass kicked.

When @Lola_Hexx'd the zombie horde, they turned as one to devour the sparkly vampires. And all was right with the world. (the end)

Finding the bites covering @Leo_Godin chose wisely to run like hell. Unfortunately, Rage Zombies are quick, and Godin died in Leo's jaws.

C.C. was so engrossed in reading @gastarbooks that she completely missed the zombie horde sneaking behind her.

Seeing the vampire tear into @Donna_Carrick fled the room. Unfortunately, the door Carrick chose lead to the zombie horde.

As a vampire, Caroline was a @FangedBeauty. But when she drank the blood of a demon, her beauty turned ferocious.

We found that when @laurajeanwrites, it's best to keep our distance, as she likes to practice her murders prior to committing to paper.

After the zombie horde passed through, there was a @Phungus_Amongus. We made Dennis clean it up, and he snuck it into the family soup.

Most of the compound thought @NickSilly for his antics. But he got even one night when he opened the gate and zombies came crashing through.

When I noticed the @syco_punk drooling over my avi, I cut him open and fed him to the zombies. ;)

After running for @MylesGregory thought himself safe from the zombies. Unfortunately for Gregory, Rage Zombies never tire.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Cranking up the next batch of Twitterfic

"Please @StephanieSaye the name of the demon, and we can be free!" But it was too late: Zombies had eaten Stephanie's tongue.

We thought the @ghostgrl85 till till we noticed her piercings and lovely tattoos. We realized then, she must've have died much younger.

For @Lola_Hexx's weren't working on the zombie horde. Instead, she used her trusty flamethrower, and the corpses ran a-screaming.

When in the grip of the @inkMuse Rebecca lost all sense of where she was. Unfortunately, the muse took her as the zombie horde approached.

When @Lola_Hexx'd the zombie horde, she figured that was the end of its rampage. Unfortunately, zombies are spell resistant.

Finding a zombie at the throat of @AlisonBeightol fired off a quick shot. Beightol hit the zombie, but missed Alison: the latter had a meal.

Upon finding the unconcious @PrincessMarijke knelt and cradled the woman's head. That was Marijke's mistake, and the zombie princess bit her

Vicki was the first to discover that amphibians has been infected by the zombie virus, because @VickiLikesFrogs.

"I told you, you've just got to have @FaithMortimer!" But Mortimer was already out the door and fighting the zombie horde.

#TheEnchanters thought themselves safe as they had memorized the spells in @allieburkebooks. Unfortunately, zombies didn't heed magic.

We thought @NickSilly for his fear of the dead-alive, silly that is, until the zombies crashed through the gate.

We thought @SarahhSquare because she said "zombie," instead of using the politically correct terminology of "life challenged."

No one knew that zombies could speak, nor that they had a French accent. So imagine our shock when one of them remarked: "@zbleumoon"

Digging through the guts of a zombie, Phil found the @philo_diamond. Unfortunately, Phil was digging from the inside out.

"I'm kidding!" He winked. "I didn't mean to call you @barkergirl33." As a werewolf, Kim was not know for her sense of humor and gutted him.

"@ImDanielleEGray," she announced regally. The zombie, formerlly known as Princess Lydia, was not impressed and ate Danielle anyway.

As an @AuthorJenNS thought herself outside the zombie/human conflict as an impartial observer. The zombies, however, thought otherwise.

"We're out of bullets, bombs, hatchets and clubs," Sedgwick fumed. "All we've got left to fight zombies with is this @icypop."

It was her infatuation with ink that eventually saved @PrincessMiranda from being devoured by zombies: they found beauty in her skin.

Folks believed the Kompi dinosaurs in Jurrasic Park were made up creatures, until the dead rose from graves, and a @KompiZombie was found.

"That plan is @DiceyGrenor," he said. "But if we run like hell, we'll beat the zombies." Grenor nodded, drew her gun, and opened the door.

We didn't know werewolves could read in their furry form until we found the woman we now refer to as @ComicBookGrrl.

When he sat down to @WriteTheFantasy he'd always dreamed of, he found he could only pound the keyboard in frustration, as zombies can't type

"@theladywrites fantasy as a rule," he said. "But now that she's been bitten by a zombie, we'll just have to wait and see what happens."

When they gave @lolapowers over fish and fowl, she thought herself safe at the marina. Unfortunately, that where the zombies looked first.

At first Marshall thought it was just a @jitterymoose. Upon closer inspection, Marshall realized the moose was bitten by a zombie.

As a @ScifiReaderAnna knew how to defeat robots should they attempt to take over the world. Unfortunately, Anna faced zombies.

We had no idea that the Queen of the Zombies was actually a divine being, until we found her worshiped by the horde as the @HungryGoddess.

"Damn, Bea. Look! It's a @redhairedharpie!" But Beatrice was too busy fighting off a zombie to glance backward until too late.

Deciding to leave the @PrincessMarijke took to her heels and dashed out the door ahead of the raging zombie horde. Marijke was safe for now.

We told @DavidStand by the door, and keep an eye out for zombies. Then we left him there, and opened the window for the horde to enter.

We had no idea our cat had a fetish, until we caught it late one evening in the closet watching @angrypuppyfilms.

When @suzisquared off her fangs, we thought her a reformed vampire. Silly us. Vampires heal at a remarkable rate!

No one knew the undead existed at Camelot, and so were doubly surprised when a dinosaur zombie arrived from the court - dubbed @ExcaliburRex

By affixing the year to her name, @carlie2011c hoped to avoid the zombie horde. Odd logic, but it worked. Instead, the vampires got her.

When he saw @IanFydell took to the woods. Unfortunately, Fydell paid too much attention to the zombie behind, and not enough to the horde hiding in the trees.

"Goddamnit! Get the @Chainsaw_Sally!" But Sally didn't like being ordered about, so she shoved him off the roof to the zombies below.

Digging into the brain of a serial killer, I found @ssraven amidst chocolate dreams and slippery thoughts. Delicious memories!

When she saw the shimmer in the sky was @theglitterlady, Diana put away her knife. "Fairies are allowed to sparkle," she said. "For now."

The zombie crept up on the @2GirlsOnaBench, little realizing that they were bait, there to draw the undead within range.

"I want you to find the @Sickest_Bitch you can and feed her to the zombies." Unfortunately for him, the @Sickest_Bitch was already a zombie.

Finding the @firepixie324 was our only hope in detering vampires from our keep. Unfortunately, it was zombies who stormed the gate.

Before the Apocalypse, she was known as BeckyILee. Now we call her @BeckyiZombie.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Another round of TwitterFic

Tanner didn't think much about the first 82 that went through the lab. That's why the latest psycho was known as @TheFool83.

The knock at the door, we assumed was @jennieofcourse. And indeed, it *was* Jennie. But that was before the Zombie virus took her.

He wanted to be known as "His Royal Majesty the Everlasting Superhero and All Around Great Guy Brandon," but we shortened it to @HMMADNESS

When we found @LilDannyTaylor hugging her momma's knees, we presumed them safe from the horde. Turns out, we were wrong.

We didn't know much about the @Twisted_twins until police found a @_DeadHooker in their Trunk. Now, we can't know enough.

When he saw @IanFydell took to the woods. Ian had been taken by the Zombie Horde, and Fydell didn't want to risk a bite.

Rebecca was a @CreepyWalker until the virus took hold. Now she's a fleet-footed zombie with an appetite for long pig.

The realization that the crystal monster was @kNotOfGod sent me reeling to my knees with mouth open in supplication.

We though the @MD_awkward when he sliced through the abdomen. It was only later that we figured out the doctor was a zombie and just hungry.

If you ask @Derek4words, you get a mouthful of mumbles. But if you ask him for a knife, then things get interesting.

When she saw @theglitterlady take to her heels, Stevie realized it was because she was a sparkly vampire, and not a fairy as presented.

"You can have an @icypop," Zombie dad said to Zombie daughter. "But wouldn't you rather have an Icy Sedgwick? More meat on humans than pops"

When we saw the @Blue_Girl13, we assumed she was cold. It turned out, however, that Nadine's unique color came from the Zombie virus.

With the demon imprisoned within @jezebelsbody, safety seemed assured. Too late we realized Jezebel was Queen of the Zombies.

Once she found the enchanted @StrawberrySarah thought all would be fine. But, zombies don't care for strawberries and ate her instead.

When we found the water was @Toxik_Shock rippled through the community. That was before we realized it as the source of the zombie plague.

When we saw the splattered zombie underneath @jezebelsbody, we thought Jezebel had not survived. It would have been better if she hadn't.

As an @AuthorTiffany found that she controlled her own little universe with her writing. But that was only until the zombie virus broke out.

"@IamLadyAurora," she said, waving a regal hand from her position on the balcony. Below her zombies beat their heads against the stone walls

Because she growled over the book, they assumed the @Literarygrrrl couldn't read. Their assumption proved fatal.

When he saw the @WerewolfMike backed away slowly. Unfortunately, there was a zombie behind him.

@Jody7666 had fooled everyone by separating her name from hell by a single 7. Zombies, however, don't believe in hell and ate her anyway.

When we found the @AuthorTiffany shook her awake. But didn't know that the author had been bitten, and now she's part of the horde.

While Nicole shouted that she was the @sisofdragons, it did like good against the Zombie horde who hungered for human-flavored reptile.

Zombies rarely care what they feed on, as their taste buds are largely burnt out. But as a horde they know that a @gingerkytten tastes best.

A Ghost has Followed Me for the last 30 Years

It's an odd morning. I'm up early on a weekend, because I need to go look homes. I'm selling my current house as part of the divorce settlement. Even though I own the house outright, I have to split what I sell the house for with the psycho-ex. That puts a dent in my buying power for the next house. A serious dent. I'll be downscaling quite a bit, as lost my good-paying job in January. Now I have a job at half the salary. That's miserable in this market.

Anyway. I'm sitting in the living room watching a little TV, waiting to leave for the appointment with the real estate agent. I've got a dog and a cat. Both of them are sitting in the LR with me.

Suddenly, there's a loud crash in the laundry. "What the fuck was that?" I didn't jump up. I set my coffee aside, then got up slowly. I went into the laundry room, and there on the floor is a huge bottle of liquid laundry detergent pouring out onto the floor.

"Shit!" I snatched up the detergent and screwed on the cap. On the floor, a blue pool slowly spreads out across the linoleum. I grabbed some dirty clothes from the hamper and soaked up the detergent.

I'm doing a load of laundry early today. But I'm still wondering how the fuck that detergent got off the top shelf and onto the floor.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Azumi

I love this picture. I just had to share it.

More TwitterFic - Today's postings again

We thought the @MD_awkward when he removed the liver instead of the spleen. Then we realized, the doctor was preparing for supper.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Capturing bots

I played a game a few nights ago to gather bots to my account. You can do that by tweeting keywords to Twitter, like iPad, Dunkin Donuts, free laptop ... There are other keywords, but I'll not post them all here. But I will list the bots who responded to my tweets:


Check out Miriam's list of brainless bots


@Avmioerw
@Bfdgerh
@fredericaupatti
@AlanaRoseman
@happybiled
@Antivirus_Progs
@AlanaRoseman
@tnech17
@cokstr
@_BelieveITorNOT
@ebook_script
@ashesphoc
@webCommuniti
@ZombieFallout
@griselmklstephe
@provakhan49
@TheStoryPlant
@rai_rupali
@ZombieTees
@sodomized_bot
@sodomy_bot
@compareshoes
@sneakersnike
@fishing_secrets
@VictoriaNovikov
@OnlineBiz_Pro
@tweetbutlers
@raymamrak
@aikidoinfo
@ToryRuths1295
@20girljb
@mikokageva
@TracieHine8420
@EvelyneMorelle2
@Detox_Body
@StLouisDalyDeal
@sellyourhouse21
@ProphetofVail
@rahulkumar358
@SukOrielley4020

There's just 10 for now. I'm sure that I'll pick up more as I continue to tweet. Feel free to send me your own list of bots, and I'll post them here.

By the way. No sense in Following a bot. They don't have much to say.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Tonight's TwitterFic - It's about You 2

The spell was inscribed into Michael's flesh with @Blackfireink taken from a phoenix's heart. That's why as a zombie, he's indestructable.

When he found it, Philip held the @philo_diamond high and screamed his joy, until the harpie swooped and snatched it from his grasp.

"It @RGoodship," the zombie growled. "It have lots of meat inside." Trapped in the hold, a hundred humans shivered in anticipation.

"We need the @Kindlbookreview of the Necronomicon," he said. "That's our only hope of ending this zombie plague."

We found @RichardTEckhart's legs by the busted bicycle, where the zombie horde tore him to pieces.

We took advice to @ReadHeavily as the best defense against zombies. Alas, upon conversion, zombies lose literacy and tend to devour readers.

They called @JeannieWalker1, because Jeannie was the first zombie to stop shuffling and stride quickly after her prey.

When Jennifer saw the @ShadowPhoenix32 swoop down over the city, she knew the Zombie Apocalypse was about to begin.

It was a simple spell with one word: @jezri1. Yet, only with the proper accent would it bring Nirvana. Otherwise, Armageddon beckoned.

I really love the @twisted_twins. Did I say love? I meant stalk. Did I say stalk? I meant to say shove them in a Trunk with a @_DeadHooker

"We've got to get @AmyLunderman said. "She's the key to the zombie infection." Too late, Lunderman found out that Amy had broken free.

"We've got the big gun," James screamed "The @BumpFire2012. That'll stop 'em!" But no matter how big the gun, the zombies kept coming.

"Beware the @fire_lass. It's the only way we can be sure the zombies are dead." But Sonya was already a zombie, and smothered the flames.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Do You Want to Die in the Slavering Jaws of a Zombie?

I write #TwitterFic - micro-fiction with a twist. Your username is combined with a short story, typically one involving the Zombie Horde that has swept the world. In 140 characters or less, I feed you to the zombies. Sure, I tell a few other stories as well, but normally it's the Zombie Horde.

If you want to die in the jaws of a zombie, catch me on Twitter @DianaTrees, and I'll do my best to carve you up into scraps for the undead.

---
When he saw @StevenKonkoly thought him a zombie. After all, Konkoly reasoned, Steven was from Jakarta - ground zero for the Apocalypse.

When he finally found @JillyJameson was too late. Jilly had been bitten, and she was now the Queen of the Zombie Horde.

Though gentically engineered to fight the zombie plague, @theSYNGENOR developed a conscious, and chose instead to join the horde.

When she came face to face with the @ZombinaNora forgot the first rule of silence, and screamed her way into the femme Zombie's gullet.

Solomon Calumet Petrof shortened his given name to @SoCalPete, but the zombies found him just as tasty roasting under the sun of California.

We found our missing socks behind the couch where the @ZombieIrishGirl had hidden, waiting patiently for our arrival.

The Zombie Apocalypse was losing steam, until the undead found the @BrittsBeachClub and had a feast of the young lovelies.

Though Shaun's movie was the one to make it big, it was @DavidoftheDead_ that exposed the legion of animated corpses.

When at last she found the @poet_teresa paused to savor her victory. Unfortunately she waited too long and the poet was eaten by the horde.

Rebecca thought the EvilChair the ultimate in violent things. But when she was thrown by the @CreepyWalker, she realized a new horror.

We thought @SoniaCharming1 until we discovered that all who crossed her were buried in the backyard.

Jenny had @dreamsofwriting that haunted her sleep. So too, did a vampire. Now Jenny dreams of the sun.

When Daneen found @LilDannyTaylor loitering at the fringes of the Zombie city, neither of them realized their lives would violently shift.

When life diverges, and I'm faced with two or more paths, I always choose the one that's soaked in @Rubyviolence.

He loved her enough that he called her name twice: @GerettaGeretta! It was the second sounding that caught the zombie's attention.

Few people realized that Grim was not his real name. But @PeterJReaper didn't strike the same fear into hearts as his chosen moniker.

As the movie was @RatedRLilStar asked Mayv if they could see something else. Unfortunately, the theater they chose was overrun by zombies.

No one expected a zombie-produced movie to do well, so it surprised the living that @TheRevenantFilm grossed billions.

I knew that Apocalypse had reached its peak when the @ZombiePuppets cut their strings, and ate the puppeteers.

When he was certain he captured the @SoulEaterWolf snapped shut the trap. What Wolf didn't realize was that the PeopleEater was behind him.

Ivin found the @Authopublisher software handy in producing ebooks. But he didn't know that the developer was the author of the Necronomicon.

As a @pseudohumanist Michael expected to fool the horde. But Michael didn't realize that zombies don't think, they eat.

We wanted to bury John somewhere on the @westlawns. But as a zombie, we had to set him free.

Exhuming @RenWarom proved to be their undoing, as it released MangaFusion - a mind fuck that ripped the thin dimensional fabric to Umwelt.

"We must find @a_greenwood," Alex said. "It's only in nature's purist place that we can reverse the Armageddon spell."

When the day was not @TypicalLydia put on her NightFace. For it was only in darkness that Lydia could face the daylight.

The spell wasn't complete without @BlueSleighty's poetry; the obsession it created brought the zombie horde to its knees.

Jeffrey had never seen a @Klingorengi before, and would have otherwise thought mating twixt Klingons and Ferengi impossible.

As a @ZombieAldous thought life perfect as he did little but eat and sleep. But after seeing a zombie babe he realized something was missing

Muttering the ancient @Daezarkian spell to turn the night to BloodSkies, Steven then turned back to his supper of long pig.

When the Zombie horde swept over @LA_Tafe turned his attention East. What Tafe didn't know was that the East was the Zombie stronghold.

It was the @HorrorShockLoli found most disquieting. But there was more violence to come when Loli discovered the blood-spattered doll house.

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Twitter Circle-Jerk

For those of you not familiar with the term "circle-jerk," all I'll say is that it's a term that makes teenaged boys giggle uncontrollably. If you've really got to know what it means, Google the term and take the link to the Urban Dictionary.

There's a sort of circle-jerk going on around Twitter. It happens with a variety of accounts, and I've seen the bot-spam show up several times in my Followers list. What makes Twitter Circle-Jerk so odious, is that it almost looks like a real follower.

I don't indiscriminatly add followers. My list of followers and those that I follow was built up by hand, not machine. I didn't use Tweet Adder or some other program to find people who are like-minded. I sought them out myself. That means that when someone follows me, I check out their account.

That's how I found the Twitter Circle-Jerks - by manually taking a look at the account to discern whether the user was real. Take a look at the users below, and you'll see that they all have something in common:

@Francescaywk @_health4life @aeroponics_how @felix2see @WeedLoving @EnvironmentHelp @chadpeterson1

Three new usernames added to a new circle-jerk
@desirae_charity @Heygidday @prayerbiker

This is the biggest circle-jerks I've seen on Twitter. This one spans a huge number of accounts, and I think I'm only scraping the surface with these.

@FictionEbooks7 @CarEbooks @FreedomEbooks @VegetarianEbook @HistoryEbooks @GamesEbooks @Insomnia_books @CraftsEbooks @Credit_ebooks @ebooks_authors @FishingEbooks @Company_Ebooks @Arthritis_ebook @PepperEbooks @EducationEbook @FreedomEbooks @JourneyEbooks @Men_And_Woman @Company_Ebooks @AthleteEbooks @HairEbooks @SolersSportsEbk @FriendsEbooks @1000_ebooks @FreeEbooks7 @ExerciseEbooks @Marriage_Ebook @MamaEbooks @SpeakEbooks @EBusiness_Ebook @AcneEbooks @HouseEbooks @ChristmasEbook @DiabetEbooks @FootballEbooks @Health_Ebooks @CoverDdesign @InvestingEbookz @Ebook_Compilers @DepressionBook @Hosting_Ebooks


This is what I call a Twitter-Circle Jerk. One account teases to another, teases to another, teases to another, all the way around until the circle is complete.

Feel free to add circle-jerks if all it is you're looking for is a follower count. But for quality followers, take the time to check out Twitter accounts.

More to Come - Got to Get Out of Work First

When he saw the @ZombieDog_SF, Jason realized he was well and truly fucked. Now that the virus was cross-species, he'd never stop the horde.

As she followed @LibbyHeily reflected on their day. Libby had managed to stop the zombies, but Heily had still been bitten.

"Quit yer @WritingGirlie! We got to defend the windows!" But Michelle was caught in metaphor and rhythm, and missed the zombies at the door.

We thought an elephant gun, big enough to @piercebooks, would be enough to stop the zombie horde. Apparently, we miscalculated.

When the zombie horde overran @LA_Tafe took to his heels. But as fast as he was, Tafe couldn't outrun Rage zombies.

As he followed @TimGreaton thought something wrong. Bits of gore dropped from Tim's hands, and too late, Greaton realized Tim was a zombie.

@threeand10 blackbirds weaved in from skies lead-gray and sullen. Avoiding the violent flutter of black wings, Lee kept to lean shadows.

"All right, @StephanieSaye the zombie's name softly." Steph, tranced and compliant, did as she was told. Outside, the zombie stirred.

I knew they were @twisted_twins when I got in the car. But I never suspected they had a @_DeadHooker in the Trunk.

No one who knew her would have guessed that Amy was such a zombie ass-kicker. She had always appeared to be such an @ArtsyBookishGal.

He thrashed as they dragged him to the edge of the boat: "@WWSharkbaitWW?" he wubbled. "I won't do it!" Below, the zombie shark circled.

Ian demanded that his name be prounced correctly: "@IanMacGregger," he ennunciated crisply. The zombie gurgled and bit off Ian's tongue.

@TheMacLeod <- sole survivor of a zombie ambush. Try to keep up with the ones who are both smart and fast!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Working again on TwitterFic

It's nice to know if my legs fail, I've got my @CreepyWalker. If I can't kick ass, at least I can whack 'em about the head and shoulders

Looking to @Derek4words to calm the crowd, Fournier noticed that Derek was teetering on the edges of sanity.

When she realized that the woman of her nightmares carried a @Chainsaw_Sally had to rethink how she saw her waking hours.

Finding @spectralmuses to guide your writing isn't so difficult. The recipe is coffee: one part beans, one part chocolate, one part dreams.

The audience howled at the antics of the @ZombiePuppets, until the puppet master cut the strings, and the puppets continued to move.

Even though I knew that she was @kNotOfGod, I follow Crystal because of her monstrous beauty and ferocious intellect.

"Open @thezombiebible to the Second Chapter of Groaning and repeat after me." Even though zombies can't read, they know how to groan.

We realized the end of the world was close when the @ZombieDog_SF was found; the Rage virus had found a way to jump the species barrier.

While we thought it @SinisterProse that he scrawled, none of us realized that Killeen had been given the entire Necronomicon in a dream.

Safe, he scrawled the name of the demon, @TyrKieran, in his own blood. Finished he sat back; beside him a half-seen flicker solidified.

We thought her @Mad4Passion, but when she devoured the postman, we realized that she was well and truly mad.

When George recived a preview copy of @GPWriter, he didn't know it was a rogue program, released by a psychotic techie.

When she finally found @edenbaylee, thought herself safe from the horde. But Baylee didn't know that zombies had planted corruption.

As @twisted_twins, they vowed loyalty to one another through best and worst. That came in handy when they found a @DeadHooker in a Trunk.

Seeking the woman known simply as @LaFemmeLestat skulked dark city streets. But it was LaFemme who found Lestat and made him her own.

Tanya didn't realize that the @VEscritoire was an obscure volume of magic. As she spoke what she believed to be a poem, her breath became fire.

Though Sean @ReadHeavily throughout most of his life, even he was surpised when books sprang to life, and words scurried like ants.

Finding the tree emblazoned with the letters @BA_Matthews turned left toward town. Further up the path zombies waited patiently for Matthews

Before being shortened to the "t-virus," researchers called it @TLogicLive, as they thought it would assure life after death.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Examples of Twitter Spam and Malware Links

There's a lot of Twitter spam going around, and unfortunately, it's some of you who spreading it. By clicking on the links you get via DM, you infect either your computer, your Twitter application, or both.

So far, Twitter spam that carries a nasty payload has been easy to recognize. It comes to you as a Direct Message (DM), and it's from one of your followers. But if you notice in the examples below, Twitter spam is generic: It never names you.


Really Nasty Spam - Don't click it. Twitter has not made this software. It's a lie by scum suckers who want to infect your account:
  • Twitter finally released an app that tracks your "Stalkers" get it here fazzt.biX/blah


    Seven new examples (Thanks, Alice!)
  • Have you heard millions of people are making $5k+/Mo from home? heres how...t.co/blah
  • Was this blog you posted really necessary? tniX.biz/ad08 some kind of joke?
  • Someone said this real bad thing about you in a blog.... tniXurl.com/blah
  • I just found out who viewed me on twitter! find whos watching yours ti.co/blah
  • FIND OUT WHO STALKS YOUR TWITTER! THIS NEW APP ROCKS! ti.co/blah
  • viagra,cialis,soma,tramadol and more. no prescription. ti.co/blah
  • Gain over 1,000 followers a week by using: ti.co/blah

    Even more Twitter Spam!
  • you'll laugh when you see this pic of you... tinyurl.coX/blah
  • You look different in this photo. cuts.pX/8
  • my friend sent me this pic with you in it.. t.cX/blah
  • you look like you lost weight in this video.. t.cX/blah

    Original examples
  • haha my friend showed me this pic of you.. t.c/blah
  • This is NUTS, I swear I'm getting 100s of followers from this program!! Check it t.c/blah
  • I lost a bunch of weight, this stuff works! look at news article cXXnewz.com
  • Somone said this real bad thing about you in a blog.... tniXurl.com/blah
  • I found you in this video tinXurl.com/blah
  • Is that you in this picture tinXurl.com/blah
  • (note the typo in this one) your in this picture tinXurl.com/blah
  • discount drugs with no prescription required tinXurl.com/blah
  • no prescription required for your viagra,cialis,soma and more. tinXurl.com/blah
  • wow this really works! i found out who stalks me :P go to 0rX.com/blah

    Read about Rob's battle with Twitter spam.

    You'd think if it was really one of your friends or followers, that person would be more personal in the DM. But spam can't afford to be personal. It's written generic to try to lure you into clicking the link.

    Don't do it. Clicking the link at best takes you to a spammer's site. At worst, it infects your computer with a virus. Somewhere in the middle is infecting your Twitter account. If you've got other examples, feel free to send them my way. I'll add them to this list.

    Late breaking Twitter spam

    Some Twitter spammers are stupider than others. Have a look at this example.




    I ran across these two names, one over the other, in a friend's follower list. You would have thought the spammer would have been smart enough to change pictures.
  • Thursday, July 21, 2011

    Thursday's TwitterFic - Week's Almost Done!

    I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. I had some Linux issues to sort out on my PC, and my daughter wanted to watch the TIVOed episode of True Blood. I had writing to do, but I just couldn't concentrate. I might have gotten 50 words done, and I was shooting for 500. I hate when that happens. But what's worse is that I woke up at 4 a.m. - four hours early for work. And I was exhausted. Shit. I really hate when that happens. But this afternoon, something clicked, and I cranked out a bunch of TwitterFic. I can't say how. It just comes to me. If you want a customized shout out, let me know.

    ---
    We were not surpised that we found @XanderGrimm at the news of his lover's death. What surprised us was his hand in the entrails.

    His words were guttural, his eyes wild: "Come on @StephanieSaye you love me!" She had waited for this moment and silently twisted the knife.

    "We find the @DeadReckless and violent," the researcher said. "Too reckless to survive for long." Unfortunately, his prediction was wrong.

    When we found @kendallgrey1 step away from the body, we knew she was responsible. What we didn't know was that Kendall was a zombie.

    Putting the growl into books wasn't difficult for the @Literarygrrrl. It was not biting the patrons of the library that proved impossible.

    When we found that @LadyAndronica was given to violent rages, we sent her to the Senate where she could deal with politicians as necessary.

    As an @AuthorTiffany could justify her prediliction for murder by calling it "research for my next story."

    When Alleigh shifted into her more comfortable form as a panther, she retained enough of her humanity to be referred to as an @alleighkat15.

    @mariefrizelle'd the young man before telling him that "frizelle" was another way of saying "cooked perfectly."

    As a former heavy metal performer, Phil was ecstatic at his death to be reborn as a @metal_wraith - until he tried to pass through a wall.

    "@LynMidnight approaches!" Violeta turned to her friend. "Beware the vampire!" Unfortunately, both neglected to be wary of the ghouls below.

    In @TennesseeZombie territory covered most of the state. There were a few human enclaves, though zombies thought of them as cattle pens.

    When we caught up with the @twisted_twins, they had already disposed of the @_DeadHooker. Now their psychotic attention was focused on us.

    When Venus located @PrincessMiranda, it was too late to her. "Waste not, want not," Venus thought and slit the girl's throat for her bath.

    As a @zombiejenna found that she didn't worry about fashion anymore. But she did inspect her teeth daily in the mirror for bits of human.

    When she found the @PrincessMarijke dragged her to safety. But Marijke didn't know that the princess had already been bitten.

    Although @AngelaAddams wasn't as well known as Gomez and Morticia, Angela was still a #Temptress in her own right.

    Melissa thought @Mys_Moore a bit bossy, so when the chance presented itself, Melissa pushed her off the roof to the zombie horde below.

    Coating her lips in @Rubyviolence was only the first step in a night of mayhem and madness: She still had bodies to devour.

    Tuesday, July 19, 2011

    Tuesday's TwitterFic - Added this Morning's Stuff

    More to come later today. I've just got to wake up!

    ---
    "Bu-but-but, @iTweetAmusingly!" Maria shouted. The zombie was not amused, and now Maria is part of the horde.

    "@IamLadyAurora," she sniffed, prim and proper. "You don't dare eat me." Unfortunately for Aurora, the zombie didn't understand English.

    @jason_voorhees took far too long to raise his machete. The Vampire slipped under his arm, took his head, and now wears it as decoration.

    She considered his unspoken request, then tossed the body of @jason_voorhees his head. "Humans are meat," she said. "Vampires kill and eat."

    @snarkninja mutations were not at all common prior to the Zombie Apocalypse. Now they're everywhere.

    Zombies typically prefer their meat raw, but when they found @EmmaaCook'd to perfection, they joined the cannibal for the feast.

    Jon thought it odd that the frog lisped as it croaked: "@ribbledibble." He didn't realize that it was a zombie frog.

    "We've got multiple @amys_kennedy! How do we know which is the zombie?" Kennedy poked an Amy and lost a finger. "Found the zombie," he said.

    What sounded like fucking to @jason_voorhees was actually a vampire slaking her thirst. She watched Voorhee's approach, and licked her fangs

    The @twisted_twins have promised me a @_deadhooker, should ever again they find one. So thoughtful! I rarely have dinner plans.

    "@KellySGamble?" the old man murmured. "What's the S stand for?" Kelly smiled sweetly and slashed his throat. "Senicide," she replied.

    "Sure," he said, "E=MC2." He waved his hands wildly. "But if you want perfection it's MILF_Squared."

    The vampire, pale as a scream, lost Rose. "Did you see anyone?" he asked a nearby ghoul. "@Osumpinkgirl ran through here moments ago."

    @hororwritindad *heh* Nothing more lovely that a @ChicRocking a long sword, and covered in someone else's blood.

    The glyphs in the stone were unusual, and Rebecca didn't realize that as she murmured @jocastalizzbeth aloud, the Zombie Apocalypse began.

    When they found @LilDannyTaylor curled tight into herself and shaking, they thought her lost and frightened. That proved their undoing.

    "Take the @L_Bushman," Leona said. "No Zombies on trains." Bushman corrected her: "It's the El." Leona frowned and pushed him off the roof.

    By the time the zombies were finished with the @syco_punk, blood and brains were spattered across the station. But his mind was still bent.

    Patrick met a strange lady who made him nervous. She offered him an @aussiepill, and said: "This will take you to the Land Down Under."

    Monday, July 18, 2011

    Tonight's TwitterFic - Twitter's Down, but I Got these Online

    Yeah, I should be writing anyway. But tonight, TwitterFic called and I answered. It's been a few days since I wrote any - tonight was the night. Sure, I should have been working on my short story, but I had to shout out to my folks!

    ---
    Upon seeing the @AngelZapata took cover. Though legend asserted they were beings of light, Zapata had doubts about the truth of the stories.

    Though offered an all-expenses paid trip to hell and back, @roxannesmolen expected the locale would be a #Mindbender, and turned it down.

    psycopath in a / @comadarkvale functions / High / I'm batman, bitches.

    When he thought he found @lleonadavis stopped looking further. Unfortunately for Davis, this Lleona was a changeling left by dark fairies.

    As I lay napping, a tapping, a rapping, a banging, banging, banging at my back door. Who's there? says I: Croaked the Zombie, @__Nevermore__

    Coming to @Derek4words is link dipping a bucket into a well dug into ancient burial grounds. Often, you get more than you bargained for.

    Locating the @dixeflatlin3 was harder than she thought. But the search would pay off if she found unicorns in that fabeled southern desert.

    Sure, @drewiscrazy. We've known that for ages. But never did we suspect that he would invite zombies to dinner without specifying a menu.

    She shorted her name to @JRTomlinAuthor when she learned that her given name of Jiggumbob Ranunculaceous meant "a gadget like buttercups."

    It was only after he found @John_Corwin started seeing people that weren't there. Prior to that, Corwin only heard voices in his head.

    After his first date with @jillyjameson was certain he was in love. What Jameson didn't know was that Jilly was actually an alien bookworm.

    TwitterFic - Catching Up with Posts

    I got into work today and realized that I hadn't posted last Friday's TwitterFic. I hate it when I get behind, since each one of these is handcoded for the link back to the Twitter account. That's time-consuming and tedious. But hell. I love to do that. Linking back to the account let's you know who these people are, and how the TwitterFic relates to them. See, I typically do some research on each of the folks to make the TwitterFic personal to them. Check out below, then link back to their accounts.

    ---

    It's when @laurajeanwrites that things move about in the house. It seems that her pen is haunted.

    She coated her lips in a rich, red lipstick before leaving that night, as only the shade of @Rubyviolence would do for the evening.

    Yeah, when we found the @FesteringCorpse, we knew that our dinner plans were set.

    It was Kema's desire to @Krushneurotik writers that led her to become an editor at the New York Times.

    Finding @louise_wise enough to learn the spells, the sorceror turned over the Necronomicon. That was his undoing.

    Shana found the witch, @NeeceMFiregrave, buried in an active volcano. "Now I know where comes the surname," Shana thought to herself.

    When they found @JezebelsBody in the lake, they presumed she'd drowned. That was their first mistake. The second was turning their backs.

    Only his friends called Charles @Baldychaz. All others who dared are buried under the porch.

    When Bottorff found the body, he saw that @Dalanna23 was carved into the skin. He didn't get the significance until 22 more bodies surfaced.

    Random thoughts were @_andraya_'s undoing, as the Zombie horde caught her unawares and day-dreaming.

    Rumpelstiltskin's sister was not only prettier, but had the moniker @tanyatwombly, making her life's path much easier.

    Once she found the @Bear_75, Haley knew that she was on the correct path to find penguins. "I must keep them moist," she thought.

    "Have @FaithMortimer," she said. "The assassins' village is just over that rise." Unfortunately, so were the zombies.

    When the rest of the coven found JP filtering human blood for impurities, they dubbed her the @ecovampira.

    Truly @drewiscrazy. That's why it's better to #follow. That way you're behind the insanity.

    Friday, July 15, 2011

    Friday's TwitterFic (and some of Thursday)

    I got behind yesterday, and didn't get the TwitterFic posted. So I'm combining it with this morning's. Once I get caught up at work, I plan to write more. I've got lots of followers out there that I haven't yet fed to the zombies.

    ---
    It was with the beginning of the @starcrusades that humanity roused the Zombie horde. Now it's the dead-alive who've taken the stars.

    RJ rifled through the @Securityfiles startled by what he found: Federal documents outlining the need for a necessary plague, the Apocalypse.

    When they found @FletcherBell's rang as a signal that he was alive. Unfortunately, the signal was premature. Fletcher had been bitten.

    Though he was @immovablefear didn't stop Robbie from screaming as the Zombie gnawed at his guts.

    It was the double-x in his name that gave away @DemienSixx's Zombie sympathies. X's for eyes indicated a love of the dead-alive.

    Early in life, she was swept into the @VorteXya, yet somehow survived. We should have realized then that she was a vampire.

    Upon seeing @AmyLunderman paused. Lunderman wasn't used to seeing a woman alone at night. Too late, Lunderman realized Amy was a Zombie.

    "Today in @ZombieeNews, the corpses have broken through the last barrier." The newscaster's eyes widened. The cameraman was clearly infected

    "LynMidnight isn't that far off," her Fairy Godmother fretted. "We must be away!" Lyn ignored the fairy, and danced into the red dawn.

    It was during battle that Blue swept the field clean of zombies with a single scream. That battle was recorded as the @BlueSleighty.

    The @ssraven swooped low over the field of battle, picking at the corpses of zombie and human alike.

    A thousand years ago, Jason learned to craft @Fear_In_Words. The spell yet lingers, and children shiver in their beds.

    Out of the @Icey_darkness the first Angel came, brilliant white, with a shattering scream: We thought it the end of the Zombie Apocalypse.

    Wednesday, July 13, 2011

    More TwitterFic - Today's postings

    With a growl in her teeth, the @Literarygrrrl charged the @TennesseeZombie. Screaming bloody madness, they devoured one another.

    "@OhAnotherMaria," the bouncer murmured, waving her on with a bored look. As she passed, Maria gutted him. "I'm the only Maria," she said.

    For @SidKali was the only Goddess worth notice: Six arms promising chaos, destruction and rebirth.

    "Aurora," the magician said. "I'm looking for the lady." The queen stood: "@IamLadyAurora," she said, then gutted the sorcerer as a revenant.

    We knew Friday would be @twistedfreaky, but had no idea that the date would mark the first day of the Zombie Apocalypse.

    @jillyjameson never felt the same rage at Spiderman as her father John, but even she took up the tirade when the arachnid became a zombie.

    You know I'm coming to get you. I don't care if you have to use that @CreepyWalker to get around. I'm coming. I'll get you. I'll eat you.

    Judy found the sky fickle: blue, grey, sun and rain. It was the spell of permanence she cast, however, that earned the name @judyblackcloud

    Monday, July 11, 2011

    Quick TwitterFic

    A few more TwitterFic from tonight's tweets.

    ---
    It was precisely because the monster was @kNotOfGod that she was famous: Crystal is rarely formed so perfectly.

    A letter signed @mcdermottalex96 was the signal for the attack to begin. Unfortunately, zombies ate the postman; the letter never arrived.

    That @Anuksut was a deviant was no surpise. But that she'd raised to an art form caught us off-guard http://tinyurl.com/anuksut

    "Here!" Jason screamed, stabbing Darrick in the chest with his pen. "Right fucking here is @Fear_In_Words!"

    Though everyone expected the Zombie Apocalypse to be the final confrontation, it turned out to be @geekvsgoth that ended the world.

    TwitterFic - It's all about you

    Unfortunately, most of my time today was sucked out by work. I had to troubleshoot a couple of Web sites, then hammer out some press releases. It's left my brain all wobbly. But no worries. Today's TwitterFic was fun, and I did manage to get a few of them. And there's a lot more on the Web site. Check the archives.

    ---
    FALSE ASSUMPTION PROVES FATAL: He was foolish enough to believe that as an environmentalist, the @ecovampira would eschew human blood.

    We all knew that @drewiscrazy but had no idea as to his zombie sympathies until it was too late, and the gate was flung wide.

    "Find the @VampyrMonster!" Dr. Frankenstein snapped at his creation. "You've no blood to lose!" The monster growled, then slapped the doctor

    From the @comadarkvale lifts / eyes cry open shatter / the sociopath awakes / citizen for batman

    When the local rep tried to sell @amytupper ware, he had no idea Amy was a Zombie. Now Amy has cool plastic to store bite-sized human bits.

    "Such a lovely bio picture," he said, trying hard at innocence. "O_about_that," I replied slicing his guts. "The sword's not just for looks"

    After following @TiffaneeJones80 thought he had done the right thing. Tiffanee was a beautiful disaster; born of humans raised by Zombies.

    Sunday, July 10, 2011

    Sunday - TwitterFic and Fun

    I use TwitterFic to exercise my brain and kickstart my creativity. I also use it to screw off. I should be writing, instead I've cranked out a bit of fun - 140 characters or less, including your username.

    ---
    @EmilyKieson was found at the base of the mountain. Assuming she had fallen, they didn't realize their mistake until she opened her eyes.

    To ensure the permenant death of each of the sparkly vampires, @christiesilvers them, one by one, encasing the carcass in boiling silver.

    When he followed the @twisted_twins through the city, he had no idea they had a @_DeadHooker in the Trunk. That would prove his undoing.

    While reasearching forgotten documents, Robert found evidence that @THE_BLACKDEATH was actually the world's first Zombie Apocalypse.

    Knowing that @ChastityBites saved Ashley from joining the horde. While it kept her from the zombie, the serial killer was around the corner.

    It was the #BloodSkies that robbed Steven of his soul. Drenched in violence, he took on the name of @Daezarkian to reflect the Apocalypse.


    After fighting off the @thezombiemike screamed at Roberts: "Dude, what the fuck!" But Mike didn't know that Roberts was already turned.

    Only a few knew that Meredith's screen name, @drmwvr39, hinted at her identity: the Divine & Royal Mother Wampyr - Voracious Revenant.

    Friday, July 8, 2011

    Today's TwitterFic was Huge Fun

    I'll be working late tonight, and I've got to come in to work for a while tomorrow. But somehow, I'll find the time to work on new TwitterFic; it's too much fun! This is today's work. Let me know what you think.

    ---"We caught @AlexSeverin the body into tiny, bite-size chunks." The sergeant was sweating profusely. "We knew it was Eden."

    Though @RachelBoleyn never gained the notoriety of her sister Anne, she knew how to take a man's head off and make it look like an accident.

    As a @DemonXDiantha was used to violence, hellfire and chaos. It was laughter that brought out her rage.

    "Honestly, officer. That @99blujeep just came out of nowhere!" The cop nodded. "Good thing," he said. "Or that zombie would have eaten you."

    She knew the rage came from within. That's why the Lady added the sixes to her name: @6lady6noir6

    Unlike her sister, Isabela eschewed ashes to work with fire. Yet still, she caught the family name and was known as @CinderBella16

    It was that the frog *glittered* that caught Vicki's attention. That was the amphibian's downfall, cause everyone knows @VickiLikesFrogs

    Patrick's poetry calmed @Cthulhu23 for decades, yet still the Demon God felt that a Zombie Apocalypse was necessary for cleansing.

    The zombie was momentarily befuddled by the sound of @onevoicesmiling, yet still it managed to track Bobby down.

    Natasha had just settled in with @AGreatBook, when a vicious pounding at the door began. "Zombies," she thought. "Always in a rush."

    When zombies heard the title to the new TV show, @Boymeeetsworld, somehow only the words "boy meat" stuck in their heads.

    I knew the monster was @kNotOfGod when I saw that it's body was crystal: Something that lovely also must be both deadly and delightful.

    Thursday, July 7, 2011

    Tonight's TwitterFic - It's about You

    Patricia didn't pay much attention to @Ravensdragonfly until Raven let the little beastie carry off her little brother, Frankie.

    When the angel swept in out of the @Icey_darkness, we all felt that salvation was near. That was until we realized she too was a zombie.

    Color vision is rare among zombies, and so the rest of the horde was shocked when one noted: "@Osumpinkgirl just dashed around the corner!"

    Too late, scientists found that speech could have prevented the invasion. Had they known earlier, they would have contacted @the_wordgirl.

    To earn some @PublicityPixie sought the advice of Verity. "Well," the latter said. "You could start by sharing that flying dust."

    Lilia found that getting into the @houseofvampires wasn't really that difficult. It was leaving with a whole skin that proved impossible.

    As a child, Aoibhe was @AfraidOSunlight. Thankfully, that made the transition from fledgling to elder much easier.

    "What the hell do you mean, you @LostZombies?" Skot demanded. "Dude," Omega replied. "I don't know what to say. They were right behind me."

    "All I can say is to have @FaithMortimer," she said, peering out a window. "The Assassins' Village is our last chance against the horde."

    As a werewolf, Kim bristled at the nickname @barkergirl33. But while she would take the banter from the pack, humans were killed and eaten.

    Though ripped and @Tattered_Star didn't give up. She stood against the zombie horde with little more than a pistol and her rage.

    The @EvilEyeMonster had lived in his closet for so long, that he had grown used to its presence. That's why he forgot to warn his brother.

    When the living found out about @thezombiebible, there was an uproar in the church. It got worse, when zombies took humans for communion.

    TwitterFic is getting Easier to Write

    Maybe it's just because I've been pounding away at these for the last couple of weeks, but TwitterFic is getting easier to write. For those of you who are confused: TwitterFic is micro-fiction - 140 characters or less, but the challenge I set myself is that must use a Tweep's username in the piece. I twist the names and meanings around, and I make each one of these unique. Here in the blog, all of them are linked back to user accounts. Read through them. Let me know what you think.

    ---
    Color vision is rare among zombies, and so the rest of the horde was shocked when one noted: "@Osumpinkgirl just dashed around the corner!"

    When the angel swept in out of the @Icey_darkness, we all felt that salvation was near. That was until we realized she too was a zombie.

    "When the @yellowdove07 is released, that's the signal to attack," Billy said. Christy nodded, but neither knew the horde was at their back.

    Hearing the growl, she knew the @Literarygrrrl was protecting her book from the @TennesseeZombie girl. "I backed slowly out of the room."

    When you're @born_fighting, you know that you've got to take life by the throat and demand that every moment be memorable.

    When Jen fell to the zombie horde during the Apocalypse, Sylv willingly joined the horde so that the sisters could remain @Twisted_Twins.

    Orlando found a bit of gore in his spaceship and held it up accusingly. "@O_about_that," Ramos said. "I had to shoot a zomibe. Sorry."

    Vicious horror vixens! @ssraven @HorrorMistress Beautiful, seductive, deadly. #Follow or die.

    "When @americascreams my name," she said, "then I'll know success." Behind her, the zombie screamed, but didn't know her name.

    As the @Screamqueenarmy approached the barrier, Chris lifted his rifle. "Shit," he said. "Zombies were easier to kill than Scream Queens."

    "As I said before," Catherine snapped at the waiter. "The term zombie is offensive. We prefer to be referred to as @EndlesslyDead."

    The walls were splashed with blood, a bright @RubyViolence, and we knew that she'd been using the whip again.

    "I'm telling you, @JakeBannerman." He waved his hands to emphazize that she should be banned. "Zombies got no place coming in here!"

    While try to fill in @TheBlankSpaces in her story, zombies battered down the door and did their own filling in.

    It was her @HorrorFixation that allowed the zombies to enter the building. After that, the rest of the compound was breached.

    "I was loading the undead in @myZombieWagon when one of them sat up," Ray said. But he didn't finish the story, and hid the bite on his arm.

    Taylor glanced back at Kristi. "Come on, @ChikBQuick!" he screamed. "These zombies are sprinters!"

    Securing the @Borders after the Zombie Apocalypse was our first priority. Food and shelter came second.

    When he found the @_DeadHooker in the Trunk, he knew the @Twisted_Twins were involved. What he didn't know was where to bury the body.